


Day 30: (My Choice) Goodbye

by MadhouseVagabond



Series: 30 Day Whump Challenge 2018 [30]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: 30 Day Whump Challenge, Angst, Comfort, Crying, Cuddling, Dealing With Loss, First Person Perspective, Fluff, Gen, Kisses, M/M, Missing You, Never say Goodbye, Pain, Regret, Whump, battle buddies, jeremwood, saying goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 14:21:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15910017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadhouseVagabond/pseuds/MadhouseVagabond
Summary: “He taught me many things in our time together, but the most important thing he taught, was how to say goodbye.”





	Day 30: (My Choice) Goodbye

Thunder claps loudly outside the window, startling me awake. It’s dark in the room, a glance at the clock on the bedside table tells me it’s nearly three in the morning. I let out a small groan and reach my arm out to my left side, searching for that familiar warmth that has become my rock.

 

There’s nothing there.

 

I sit up, eyes wide and fully alert now as I look down at the spot, the spot usually filled with that familiar shape, the familiar warmth. The bed beside me is cold, the heat long gone. I glance around the room and notice that some of the key items I’d become so used to seeing were missing as well. Slowly I get out of bed and shuffle around, searching for the items, telling myself that they were just put away in a different place, but knowing that wasn’t the case, change not really a welcomed factor in this room. With no success in my search I huff and walk towards the door, quietly opening it and walking out into the hall, not really caring if I’m wearing just my boxers and a tank top, the others have seen me wearing less on more than one occasion.

 

I pad down to the living room, thinking a late night snack is what spurred on the absence of the warmth, frowning when I see that the couch is empty, the couch which was the normal spot to rest after a sleepless night where books were read, talks were had, where cuddles happened. Shrugging I make my way to the kitchen, sure that the warmth would be there, digging inside the fridge only to look guilty when confronted, a defense already prepared. I smile at the memory of all the times I’d caught him there, mouth full of that whip cream that comes out of the spray cans, meant for cocoa and coffee but definitely an irresistible treat for him. A frown plays across my face as I stare at the empty, dark kitchen, the familiar light of the open fridge gone, the warmth normally felt there now cold. I slowly make my way back to the bedroom and sit down on the end of the bed, the one that I’d occupied alone for so long; before the nightmares started, before the long talks that went late into the night, before the sweet hugs and cuddles, before the sweet hums and soft singing to calm me started, before he stayed longer and longer until he never left.

 

I feel tears flood my eyes and my sinuses sting for a moment, a clear tell that I’m going to cry. Usually he’d be there to wrap me in his strong arms and hold me until I was cried out, to rock the two of us back and forth, making soft noises and rubbing calming circles into my back or shoulder. The tears fall as realization fills me, like fully waking up from a dream, or putting on a pair of glasses and everything coming into focus. I sigh heavily, shakily.

 

He’s not coming back.

 

I know he’s not coming back, he’s been gone for nearly a year now. If he was coming back, he’d have contacted me or the crew by now. I’m holding back sobs as I try my best to calm my breathing, feeling the wet on my cheeks and remembering all the times he’d reach down and wipe them away, smiling gently down at me to tell me everything was okay.

 

It had been hard, letting him go, seeing him walk away knowing there was a chance I’d never see him again. Geoff had said the mission was suicide, that it wasn’t worth the risk, but of course he stubbornly held his ground and eventually, Geoff relented and allowed him to go. I hated the whole thing, everything about it was stupid, was wrong. I told him so, but he just gave me that sad, small smile he often used when faced with a hard decision. He’d pulled me into a hug, tugging me close. I’d cried then, much like I was crying now, burying my face in his chest as he held me tight, always my strong support.

 

“I hate this,” I’d said.

 

“I know, I do too,” he’d replied softly.

 

“Then why do you have to do it? It’s suicide!” I’d cried.

 

“You know why. If I’m going to protect you, if I’m going to protect my family, then I’ve got to deal with this,” was the response, logical as always but I could tell he didn’t want to go through with it.

 

“How can you protect me if you’re not here? What if you don’t come back? I’ll never see you again,” the sobs were shaking my shoulders, both in the memory and now as I sit here crying softly to myself.

 

“Hey, I’ll always come back to you. You mean the world to me, you’re my everything, the reason why I keep going,” he‘d sniffled as he squeezed me tighter.

 

“Then don’t make me say goodbye,” I’d begged. He’d chuckled softly and pulled away ever so slightly, raising my chin with his thumb and forefinger so we were looking into each other’s eyes.

 

“I’m going to tell you something my mother used to tell me, before she died. It’s helped me get through a lot of shit, helped me let a lot of people go,” he’d said. I had frowned and was going to shake my head but he’d held me firmly.

 

“‘Never say goodbye. If you don’t say goodbye you’re not really gone. You’re just, not here right now.’ Those words have stuck with me my whole life,” he’d said.

 

The saying was so sad, yet held a shred of hope to it. It was like postponing something, setting it aside. Not forgotten or finished, just put on hold. Like pausing a video game to go and eat. I’d looked up at him and shakily sighed, nodding that I’d understood. He’d smiled, that sweet smile that I’d fallen in love with.

 

“Even if it takes me a lifetime, I’ll always find you. You know why?” he’d asked.

 

“Because that’s what we do. We always find each other,” I’d replied, a small saying we’d come up with after the countless close calls we’d had during heists and jobs.

 

He’d smiled and pulled me back in for a tight hug, rubbing my back comfortingly. We stayed like that for God knows how long, I wasn’t gonna complain or say anything. Finally he’d pulled away and looked down at me.

 

“I love you. More than anything in this world,” he’d said.

 

“And I love you too. Even if you are the biggest asshole I know,” I’d sniffled, the two of us sharing a laugh. Christ how I missed that laugh.

 

“Is that anyway to talk to a man fixing to walk into the jaws of hell?” he’d asked with a smile. My face must have fallen because he’d suddenly looked very afraid.

 

“I love you too. Please, do whatever it takes to come back to me. I’ll be waiting until you do,” I’d said quickly.

 

“I will,” he’d promised.

 

I’d watched him leave, our hands holding one last time, fingers slowly slipping away like a sign of what was to come. He’d walked away, towards his bike, taking one last longing look at me before sliding on his helmet and speeding away, away into the dark of night. I’d run to my room and cried for three days straight, Geoff and Jack checking on me every now and then, the Gents bringing me food and drinks which I’d mostly ignored. Gavin and Michael had tried to cheer me up, but nothing could heal the pain in my heart, the longing I’d felt, still felt.

 

I shake my head to clear it of the memory, tears falling to the floor. I sniffle and wipe my eyes, taking a deep breath, closing my eyes and calming my breathing.

 

“‘Never say goodbye. If you don’t say goodbye you’re not really gone. You’re just, not here right now,’” I quote. I lean forward and clasp my hands in front of me, squeezing them to feel something as I close my eyes.

 

“I’m glad you remembered.”

 

I freeze. That voice, that familiar voice was in my room, not in my head like it had been for so long now. Was it real? Was it him? Slowly I raise my head, hoping against hope that I’m not dreaming again. My eyes fall on a tall figure standing in the doorway, panting, hair wet from the rain outside dripping down onto a familiar leather jacket. My eyes widen as I slowly and shakily stand, mouth open as I stare. The two of us are quiet for a moment, just looking at each other.

 

“Is-is it really you? Or am I dreaming again?” I ask, voice shaking. He smiles and steps forward into the light of the lamp I have on, the light reflecting in his bluer than blue eyes.

 

“It’s really me,” he says.

 

Everything seems to slow, the rest of the room fading away, the sounds of the storm becoming dull in my ears. I feel the tears flood my eyes, feel more than hear the cry that escapes my lips as I run towards him, his arms already outstretched to receive me into his warm embrace. He pulls me close, hugging me tightly as I burry my head in his chest, picking me up off the floor and spinning us around a few times. I’m openly weeping now, unashamed and uncaring if the others hear. All that matters is that he’s here, he’s back and I’m never letting him go. He sobs and holds me like he’s afraid that if he lets go I’ll disappear. After we cry for a moment we pull apart, his eyes wet and red as I imagine mine are.

 

“I always hoped you’d come back to me,” I choke out.

 

“I told you, I’ll always find a way back to you,” he gasps.

 

I have a million questions. Where’s he been all this time? What happened? Why didn’t he call or contact me? Did he miss me as much as I missed him? But these can wait until morning. For now, all that matters is that he’s back. I can’t help myself as I reach up and cup his stubbly face in my hands.

 

“I missed you so much,” I sob.

 

“I missed you too. It killed me every second I was away, every second I wasn’t with you,” he replies, looking so sorry and regretful that he hadn’t been here.

 

“I love you Ryan,” I say smiling.

 

“I love you too Jeremy,” he smiles back and pulls me in for a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the end of the Whump Challenge! Hard to believe it’s been a month since I started these. Thank you so very much for reading this one, and if you’ve been keeping up with the others through this journey, it’s definitely been an interesting and fun time. I will say this fic was the one that nearly brought me to tears as I wrote it.
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are appreciated! Thank you once again for reading these stories I put together. Remember, this isn’t the end, just a pause. See y’all in the next adventure!


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